im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
