i would punch a child for taco bell
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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