Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
