my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
