I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
