And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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