Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
