This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
