I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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