are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize