how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
