I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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