So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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