I cut my penus on the lid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
