I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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