hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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