eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
