I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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