he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
