My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
