my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
