I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
