he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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