We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
