Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well you can't waste a boner
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
