8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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