How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
