I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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