I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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