Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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