Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Terrible idea I love it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
