She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
