I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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