I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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