FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
