she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
