I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm always down for nudity.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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