Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
