he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
