dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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