I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
