I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
