I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
