wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
