Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
