dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
