So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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