Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
