you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
