yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
