just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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