I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
