I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I could make wine with my vomit
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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