the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
