So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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