Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
