Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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