The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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