im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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