I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
