This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize