My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
