I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
