Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
