We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize