I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
