I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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