He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize