He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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